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You Are Not Alone

Have you ever been in a negative headspace where your brain keeps reeling? Self-absorbed thoughts, feeling sorry for yourself? Well, I was in this space for the past several weeks. Negative thoughts I just couldn’t shake. I was sick and unable to get out of bed for days. My daughter was out of town, friends were busy with their family issues, and extended family live in different states. My new manager was so sweet and had some amazing Pho soup delivered which fed me nicely for three days. The thoughtfulness touched my heart and I am most grateful. I am a resilient woman and not afraid of hard work, however, when I am sick, I am vulnerable and sad. The reality that I have been living life alone for the past ten years with no one to care for me hit me like a ton of bricks. While I dated a couple of men during this time and enjoyed my seasons with each of them, none of them was my husband. For some, that may be perfectly suitable. For me, I don’t navigate life well alone. I feel that God created me to have a life partner, a husband. Scripture says, “ Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor, If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. “ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. While married friends may complain about issues, I remind them how blessed are they to have someone to share family life decisions, help with the household, and love, guide, and hug them. Yes, I know that I am whole and complete without a husband, as the Lord is with me always. The fact remains that I sleep with my loving dog every night, not my loving husband. God calls us to live our lives in the season that we are in, so I continue to love the Lord, myself, and others the best that I can.

Further reflection into last year when I worked twelve-hour days, six days a week to make ends meet. I worked my day job, and then pizza delivery in the evening and weekends. While I enjoyed the work, the people, and the extra income, at fifty-eight years old, my body was telling me I needed to slow down and take the time for self-care. My thumb developed bone spurs from the hands-on work, and I was sidelined with vertigo from the head movements required when driving and searching for addresses ensuring timely delivery. Thankfully, I am no longer in that season of twelve-hour days, however, I think about the other women out there working so hard. We do what is required to take care of our home and children, and sometimes at the expense of ourselves. I realize how amazing are these women. Yes, life can be difficult for so many of us. Whether it is financial, family, emotional, mental, or physical issues, we all have trials and tribulations. Honestly, we don’t ever really understand what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes. It can be a challenge to navigate this life, being responsible for the entire to-do list, at least for me. So, I ask you, if you know any single women, please take a moment to reach out to them and extend your love. Sometimes we make it look easy, but inside, our hearts often hurt from loneliness.

And for all of us single women, please continue to: “ Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6. I share this with you in the hope that it provides you with the strength you may need to keep going and rise above sorrow. Point your heart and mind towards the love of our Lord, and loving others, as this can help remove the focus from ourselves. Which ironically, is exactly what I did today. I volunteered to help women currently in a season less fortunate than me, navigate a difficult time in their lives. It allowed me to focus on all the blessings God has bestowed on me including family, friends, home, job, and health. Perspective is the key to a joyful and fulfilled life. May God continue to bless you too!

Denice Choka is a child of God, a mother, an author, blogger, and encourager. You can contact her at Please remember my friend, “ The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” Proverbs 19:8


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